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XXX -- FIKRA -- 01

 

 

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WHAT DID YA SAY YOUR NAME WAS ??

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to a gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.

boards a flight = uçağa biner... gorgeous /go:-cıs/ = şahane, harikulade... manual /mæn-yuıl/ = elkitabı...

He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"

American Indians /in-diyınz/ = kızılderililer... diameter /da-yımitır/ = çap... radius /rey-diyıs/ = yarıçap...

He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."

 

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THE REVENGE

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary.

The husband gave his wife a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER.

Later the furious wife bought a return present - also a tombstone - on which the inscription read: HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST

a bitter quarrel = sert bir ağız kavgası... tombstone /tum-stoun/ DİKKAT: [/b/ okunmaz] = mezar taşı... inscription = oyma yazı, kitabe, yazıt, ithaf... furious = çok öfkeli... stiff = 1. (argo) ölü; 2. kaskatı, sertleşmiş, tutulmuş: She has a stiff neck = Boynu tutulmuş...

"cold as ever" = "herzamanki gibi/kadar soğuk".

"stiff at last" = "nihayette öldü" diyormuş gibi görünürken, sözcük oyunuyla şunu söylüyor:"nihayet kalktı, dimdik oldu".

 

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I WANT YOU FOR MY WIFE

A guy met a girl in a bar and asked, "May I buy you a drink?"

"Okay. But it won't do you any good." = Sana bir yararı dokunmayacaktır, bir yere varamazsın...

A little later, he asks, "May I buy you another drink?"

"Okay. But it won't do you any good."

He invites her up to his apartment and she replies, "Okay. But it won't do you any good."

They get to his apartment and he says, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I want you for my wife."

She says, "Oh, that's different. Send her in."

I want you for my wife. = 1. Seninle evlenmek istiyorum, karım olmanı istiyorum... 2. (Ne var ki, "verbatim", yani "literally", yani kelimesi kelimesine yorumlarsanız) "Seni karım için istiyorum!"

 

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Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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CLOSE ENOUGH

A little old lady in a nursing home raises her fist and says, "Whoever can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight.

A little old man in the back of the room yells -- for kicks, "an elephant."

She says, "Close enough!"

nursing home = "huzur" evi, bakım evi... fist = yumruk... raises her fist = havaya kaldırdı... Whoever...etc = Her kim ki avucumde ne olduğunu tahmin edebilir... to yell = to shout, yüksek sesle bağırmak... for kicks = "Gırgır olsun diye"... Close enough = Eh, yeterince yakın...

 

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HOW MANY TIMES ?

A 54-year-old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18-year-old secretary.

accountant = muhasebeci... that reads = "...diye okunan" ifadesini Türkçe'ye "...yazan" veya "ki, şunları yazıyordu" şeklinde çeviriniz...

When he arrives at the hotel, there is a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband, I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18-year-old boy toy. Since you are an accountant, you will appreciate that 54 hardly goes into 18 even once, but 18 goes into 54 no less than three times...

virile = 1. erkeklik gücü yüksek; 2. güçlü, yiğit... since you are an accountant = muhasebeci olduğuna göre (= hesabın kuvvetli olsa gerek, anlamında)... you will appreciate that = takdir edersin ki... hardly goes into = pek giremez, sığamaz, girer diyemeyiz... no less that three times = en az üç kez... AÇIKLAMA: Sözcük oyunu, "go into", 1. sığmak; 2. içine girmek, kavramları arasında...

NOT: "hardly" ve "scarcely" girdikleri tümcenin anlamını %98-99 oranında tersine çevirir; "barely" ise "ucu ucuna" anlamını katar. She works hard = Çok çalışır... She hardly (scarcely) does any work... = Hemen hemen hiç çalışmaz... We had hardly left the building... = Binadan daha yeni çıkmıştık, daha tam çıkmış olduğumuz söylenemezdi...

She was hardly sixteen = 16 yaşında olduğu söylenemezdi... She was barely sixteen = Olsa olsa 16 yaşındaydı... Ucu ucuna 16 yaşındaydı... 16 olsa bile, daha yeni basmıştı...

 

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FOUR KINDS OF SEX

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

newly married = yeni evli... (Bir başka deyim: newly-wed...)

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "F*** YOU"

pass each other = birbirinizin yanından geçersiniz...

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer f*** you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

courtroom sex = mahkemede seks... the divorce court = boşanma mahkemesi... Çevirisi: Karınız ve avukatı sizi boşanma davasında soyup soğana çevirip herkesin gözü önünde "becerince"...

 

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HERE, IRON THIS !!

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

about to crash = düşmek üzere (yere çarpmak, kavramından)... frantically = çılgınca, kendini kaybetmişçesine... want to die feeling like a woman = kendimi bir kadın gibi hissederek ölmek istiyorum...

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

removes all her clothing = bütün giysilerini çıkarır...

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Here, iron this. = Al işte, ütüleyiver şunu...

 

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THE BEAR & THE RABBIT

A big bear and a little rabbit are taking a dump side by side in the woods. The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks: "Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "No". So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

taking a dump = kakalarını yapıyorlardı... side by side = yanyana... shit = bok... sticking you fur = postuna yapışıyor mu?... wipes his ass with the rabbit = tavşanla kıçını siler...

 

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A VERY FRANK ANSWER

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

to retort = to reply, yanıt vermek... Frankly... came up = Doğrusu senin adın hiç geçmedi... frank = samimi, içtenlikli: Demek ki kimmiş Frank Sinatra: Samimi Sinatra...

Açıklama: "Doktor bana 25 yaşında bir kadının göğüslerine sahip olduğumu söyledi." "Eeee, elli yaşındaki kıçın hakkında ne dedi?" "Walla sevgilim, senin adın hiç geçmedi."

 

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BİZDE DE ÇOK ÜNLÜ OLAN BİR

TEKERLEMENİN  İNGİLİZCESİ

Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows it's down there but who gives a damn.

unexplored = keşfedilmemiş, dolaşılmamış, ayak basmamış... breathtakingly = soluk keser derecede... free with her resources = doğal kaynaklarını tepe tepe kullandırıyor...   exhausted = tükenmiş... points of interest = ilgi çeken noktalar, mevkiler... who gives a damn = kimin umurunda ki...

 

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WROTE IT BY HAND !

A husband and wife decided they needed to use a code word to indicate that they wanted to have sex, without letting their children in on the idea, so they decided on the word "typewriter."

to indicate = işaret etmek, göstermek... let smb in on sth = sırrını açmak veya anlamasına meydan vermek...

One day, the husband told his five year old daughter, "Dear, go tell your mommy that Daddy needs to type a letter. "

go tell = gidip söyle... ("go and tell" den kısaltma)...

The child went into the next room and told her mom what Daddy had said, and her mother responded, "Honey, tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."

ribbon = (burada) daktilo şeridi... ayrıca, kurdele, bant...

The child went back to tell her dad what her mom had said. A few days later, the mother told her daughter, "Honey, go tell Daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child went into the next room and gave her dad the message.

A few moments later, she returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

by hand = el ile...

 

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THE MIGHTY GOSSIP

Three friends were discussing the perfect nickname for their dick.

The American said, "I call mine the SOLDIER 'coz he stands up the minute I give an order."

The Englishman said, "I call mine the GENTLEMAN 'coz he stands up the minute a woman passes by."

The Frenchman said, "I call mine GOSSIP 'coz he moves from mouth to mouth."

dick = (kaba) erkeklik aleti... 'coz = because.. he stands up the minute I give an order = Bir emir verdiğim anda ayağa kalkar... the minute a woman passes by = yanımdan bir kadın geçtiği anda... GOSSIP = DEDİKODU... 'coz he moves from mouth to mouth = Çünkü ağızdan ağıza dolaşıyor...

 

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HE MEANS HER LEGS !

This beautiful young woman got married and gave birth to 13 children. Then her husband died.

She soon married again and had 7 more children. Then, her second husband died, too.

She wouldn't stop there. She remarried and this time had 5 more children. And, alas, she herself finally died.

Alas! = Heyhat!

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to "Go forth and multiply."

standing before her coffin = tabutunun önünde dururken, durarak... preacher = vaaz veren kişi... prayed to the Lord above = Yukardaki Tanrıya dua etti... loving woman = sevecen, kalbi sevgi dolu kadın...  fulfill = yerine getirmek... commandment = emir, Tanrı buyruğu... "Go forth and multiply" = Gidin çoğalın!...

In his final eulogy, he noted, "Thank you Lord, the two are finally together."

eulogy [YU-lıci] = methiye... "Thank you, Lord." = Sana şükürler olsun, Tanrım... are finally together = sonunda ikisi biraraya geldi...

Leaning over to his neighbour, one mourner asked... "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"

leaning over = eğilerek... mourner = yas tutan... Do you think ...etc = Sence kaçıncı kocasını kastediyor?

The other mourner then replied... "I think he means her legs."

Öteki (yas tutan) adam yanıt verdi: "Bence iki bacağını kastediyor"...

 

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HOME FOR LUNCH

At an art exhibition there was a painting of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a bench.

Well, nothing so unusual about that, but what was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

The picture was titled "Home for Lunch" !!!

Two women were standing there, staring at the picture, scratching their heads and trying to figure this out.

to stare = uzun uzun bakakalmak, tirene bakar gibi bakmak... (Bağlama göre, dik dik bakmak anlamı da verebilir)... scratching their heads = kafalarını kaşıyarak (konuyu anlayamadıklarını, merak ettiklerini ifade ediyor)... to figure out = anlamak, anlamını çözmek...

The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked politely.

artist = ressam... confusion = kafa karışıklığı...

"Well, yes" said one of the ladies. "We were curious about the picture of the black man in the middle. Why does he have a pink penis?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the whole painting. The three men are not Africans, they're coal miners... -- And it was the fellow in the middle who went "Home for Lunch."

coal miner = kömür madencisi...

 

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   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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NOT COMING, BUT GOING

The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had.

rescue squad = acil yardım ekibi... apparent = (burada) anlaşıldığına göre... "Apparently, ..." şeklindeki tümce açılışlarını "Anlaşıldığına göre, öyle anlaşılıyor ki" şeklinde çevirebilirsiniz.

When the squad got there, it was too late for them to do anything for him; the man was dead and gone... While consoling the wife, one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess.

dead and gone = ölmüş gitmişti (pekiştirilmiş anlatım)... to console [kın-SOUL] = teselli etmek... consolation prize = teselli mükafaatı...

He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack.

to precipitate = 1. Başlamasına neden olmak, başlatmak; 2. (kimya) Çökelmeye neden olmak; 3) Yağış oluşturmak... precipitation = hertürlü yağış veya yağış olayı...

The lady replied, "Well, we were in bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting, and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going."

moan = groan = inildemek, inlemek... ("mızıldanma, şikayet", veya "gırtlaksı inilti, homurtu" nüansı ile... trashing about = ordan oraya savruluyordu, kendini ordan oraya atıyordu... panting = nefes nefese idi... sweating = terliyordu...

"Geldiğini" sandım, ama meğerse "gidiyormuş"!!

 

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EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL

After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-sized hangover and asked his wife, "What the heck happened?"

the life of the party (burada alaycı) partinin ruhu, oradaki en coşkulu adam... nursing = tedavi etmeğe çalışıyordu... king-sized = kocaman... hangover = akşamdan kalmalık... What the heck = pekiştirici ifade: Ne olup bitti, Allah aşkına yahu?...

"As usual, you made an fool of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife. "Piss on him!" answered the husband. "You did," said the wife, "and he fired you." "Well, screw him," said the husband. "I did, and you go back to work today."

as usual = herzamanki gibi... to make a fool of oneself = aptal duruma düşmek, saçmalayıp zor duruma düşmek, kendini rezil etmek... to piss = çişini etmek... fired you = kovdu seni, işten çıkardı... to screw = "becermek"... "I did... etc" = Ben de öyle yaptım; bugün yeniden işe başlıyorsun...

 

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HAPPY ENDING !

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends...

I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And what do you get at the end of it? A death.

What's that, a bonus?..

I think one's life cycle ought to be all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way...

Then you live in an old-age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You do drugs, alcohol; you party and you get ready for high school.

Then you go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating..

And you finish off as an orgasm: Not with a whimper, but with a BANG!

finish off not with a whimper but with a bang = pıfft diye değil, bir patlamayla bitmek... "Bang" sözcüğünün argoda ayrıca "orgazm" anlamına geldiğini de düşünürseniz, doğrusu muhteşem satırlar...

 

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HIERARCHY EXPLAINED

Any organization is like a tree full of monkeys all on different limbs at different levels...

Some monkeys are climbing up, some are climbing down...

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces...

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but ASSHOLES!..

 

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Yabancı XXX Fıkra: Türkçe Açıklamalı İngilizce XXX Fıkralar, World's Funniest XXX Jokes, Kesinlikle Dünyanın En Komik XXX Fıkraları,

Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul, "Practical English For Turks"

   Copyrighted 2001-2014

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