SAYING NICE (?!!) THINGS
BEHIND PEOPLE'S BACK !!
İnsanların Arkalarından Söylenecek
Pek Övücü (?!!) Sözler
words would even exhort a snake to come out of its
-- Turkish Proverb
can't say he's the sharpest knife in the drawer!
"Çekmecedeki en keskin bıçak
olduğunu söyleyemem!" = He's quite dull.
= Donuk zekalı...
must've got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
pool /Cİ:N-PU:L/ = gen(ler) havuzu; insanlığın toplam
genleri... "Gen-havuzumuza korumaları atlatıp girmiş olsa gerek!" =
He's a freak. = Hilkat
has a room-temperature IQ.
Oda ısısında zekası var...
she's a gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
gross = 1. çok
kaba, çok büyük; 2. düzine çarpı düzine (12X12) = 144...
= cahil, cahil kişi...
"Cahil cühelanın daniskasıdır: Sıradan bir cahilden düzine çarpı düzine
he has a photographic memory -- but with the lens cover glued on.
glue = zamk, tutkal...
"Fotoğrafik bir belleği var, ama mercek kapağı tutkallanmış açılmıyor!"
is definitely a prime candidate for natural de-selection.
"Doğal ayıklanma için
kesinlikle önde gelen bir aday!"
is as bright as Alaska in December.
"Aralık ayında Alaska kadar parlak!"
one-celled organisms would outscore her in IQ tests.
"Zeka testlerinde tek-hücreli organizmalar bile ondan daha yüksek puan
[Herhangi bir fiilin başına getirilen "out"
önekinin işlevi için şu örneklere bakınız:
to outnumber = sayıca
üstün olmak... to outclass
= sürklase etmek... to outlive
= diğeri veya diğerlerinden daha uzun yaşamak...
to outshine = gölgede
bırakmak (= parlaklıktan yana geride bırakmak) Örnekler: "The enemy outnumbered us two to one." = Düşman sayıca
iki katımızdı... "She was outlived by her
husband." = Kocası kendisinden uzun yaşadı.
He must've fallen out of the family tree.
ağacından yuvarlanıp düşmüş olsa gerek!"
She has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
beyni var: Birisi kayıp, öteki de onu aramaya çıkmış!"
brains were taxed
this fellow would get a rebate.
"Eğer beyinlerden vergi
alınsa, bu lavuk vergi iadesi alır!"
["lavuk... eleman... kanka... cıvır... kevaşe" gibi önemli sözcükleri
bilmiyorsanız; benim gibi yapınız: LOMBAK Dergisini muntazam okuyarak
çağdaş Türkçe'deki gelişmelerden yoksun kalmayınız. Ciddiyim!]
you give her
a penny for her thoughts, don't forget to get your change.
satın almak için 1 kuruş öderseniz, paranızın üstünü almayı unutmayın!"
drink from the fountain of knowledge; this fellow only gargled.
fountain of knowledge =
bilgi çeşmesi... "İnsanlar normalde bilgi çeşmesinden içerler; bu
adam sadece gargara yapmış!"
Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
İleri İngilizce Komik Okuma Parçası: 02
EVALUATE THAT PRIZE EMPLOYEE ?!
the British Royal Navy show you how!
British Military writes OFR's (Officer Fitness Reports). The form used for
the Royal Navy and Marine's fitness reports is the S206. The following are
actual excerpts taken from
has the wisdom of youth and the energy of old age.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started to
The only ship I would recommend for this man is citizenship.
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
I would not breed from this Officer.
This Officer is not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely
Technically sound, but socially impossible.
This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning
around at a frantic pace but not really going anywhere.
When she joined my ship this Officer was something of a granny.
Since then she has aged considerably.
Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and
my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
This young lady
has delusions of adequacy.
Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
Only occasionally wets himself under pressure.
Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
Komik Okuma Parçası: 03
OR ENDOTHERMIC ??
exothermic = gives off heat
endothermic = absorbs heat
is an actual question given on University of Washington chemistry
mid-term: "Is Hell exothermic or endothermic?"
Most of the
students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (i.e. gas cools
off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
genişlemek... be compressed = sıkıştırılmak...
One student, however, wrote
First, we need to know how
the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that
souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.
I think that we can safely
assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are
entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the
world today. All religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates
as they are we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
increase exponentially =
geometric olarak artmak...
we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the
same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two
1. If Hell is expanding at a
slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature
and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is
expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the
temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept
the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my freshman year,
postulate = postülat,
temel kabul... my freshman year = üniversitedeki ilk yılım...
"...that it will be a
cold day in Hell before I sleep with you."
"Çıkmaz ayın Çarşambasında
yatarım ancak seninle!!"
And take into account the
fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and
thus I am sure that Hell is
and will not freeze.
student received the only "A"
Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
Komik Okuma Parçası: 04
This Is Hilarious
!! This Is A Real Killer !!
pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on
pinch of tobacco = "bi çimdik" tütün...
tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art
of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes
of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
= 1. konferans; 2. üniversitede ders... (İngilizce'de
"conference" sözcüğü ile bizim kongre dediğimiz etkinliğin
anlatıldığını unutmayınız. to confer together = birbirine danışarak
konuyu tartışmak... without passing ...etc. = zihinsel olarak gerek
hoca gerekse öğrencileri by-pass yaparak...
confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
notuma bknz. multiplied by the number present = hazır bulunanların sayısı
ile çarpılarak, hazır bulunanların sayısı katında...
Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody
disagrees later on.
art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the
uzlaşma, yarı yolda buluşma...
hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine
tears = gözyaşları...
will-power = irade gücü...
place where success comes before work.
yaşamda başarı çalışmanın ürünüdür...
Classic: A book
which people praise, but do not read.
to praise = övmek,
Smile: A curve that
can set a lot of things straight.
curve = eğri (geometrik
çizgi, anlamında)... straight line = doğru çizgi, doğru hat (geometrik
anlamda, mecazi değil)... to set things straight = sorunları çözmek;
herbirşeyleri doğru yoluna koymak...
Office: A place
where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yorucu ev hayatından
sonra dinlendiğiniz yer... [st-ren-yuıs] = Çok yorucu: to strain
= zorlamak, yavaş yavaş gücünü tüketmek, kavramından...
Yawn: The only time
some married men ever get to open their mouth.
(to) yawn = [yown]
esneme, esnemek (ad, eylem)... Bazı evli erkeklerin ağızlarını açma
fırsatı buldukları tek zaman...
Etc.: A sign to
make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
to make others
...etc = bildiğinizden fazlasını bildiğinize başkalarını inandırmak
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing
can be done together.
name men give to their mistakes.
göre yorumlanabilir:) "İnsanların" veya "erkeklerin"
hatalarına verdikleri ad...
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
kendisinden söz edilsin diye, yaşamı boyunca kendi kendine azap çektiren
budala... to torture = fiziki olarak işkence etmek... "to
torment" sözcüğünde ise azap çektirmek, eziyet etmek kavramı
Diplomat: A person
who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward
to the trip.
Go to hell = 1.
Defol git... 2. Cehenneme gidesin; cehennem ol...
Doctor: A person
who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
drajeleriyle hastalığınızı, faturaları ile de sizi öldüren kimse...
bills = (burada) vizite, tedavi, vb gibi ücretlerin tümü kastediliyor...
person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
kazaen, istemiyerek... [æksi-DEN-tıli]
Optimist: A person
who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See, I am not
in midway = yarı
yolda... See = Gördünüz mü? Bak!
Miser: A person who
lives poor so that he can die rich.
miser = cimri
(ad) /MAY-zı/... miserly (sıfat)
/MAY-zıli/... so that
= fakir yaşar ki zengin ölsün diye... zengin ölebilmek için fakir yaşar...
Father: A banker
provided by nature.
temin edilen bir banker...
Criminal: A guy no
different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Başkalarından farkı olamayan bir kimse: Yakayı ele
vermiş olması dışında...
Boss: Someone who
is early when you are late and late when you are early.
to be early X
be late = erken gelmek
X geç kalmak...
Politician: One who
shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
elinizi sıkar; seçimlerden sonra güveninizi sarsar... To shake hands
with smb = tokalaşmak... to shake smb's confidence = güvenini sarsmak...
Atom Bomb: An
invention to end all inventions.
son verecek icat!... Bu şekildeki mastar (infinitive) kullanımlarını,
tümcenin gelişine göre, -ecek ekiyle, veya -mak için
şeklindeki amaç anlatımıyla çevirebilirsiniz.
Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
İleri İngilizce Komik Okuma Parçası: 05
will not deflower the fun by offering prickly translations. For --
Virginity like bubble, one
prick, all gone.
You can always send me a message of distress if you get stuck for a
particular word or expression... izbul]
Man who run in front of car get
Man who run behind car get
Man with hand in pocket feel
cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand
piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport
turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
[Have you ever been to
Bangkok? Didn't you ......... ......... (two words) if you walked
sideways through the airport turnstile?]
[clue for the clueless:
Man who scratch ass should not
Man with one chopstick go
Baseball is wrong: man with four
balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on
earth but next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Doç. Dr. Yalçın İzbul,
Komik Okuma Parçası: 06
IN A NUTSHELL
What Shakespeare is all about: A Zipped Synopsis
I found this posted on http://resident-aliens.org/2007/04/ by one Bo Grimes. I
take my hat off to you, Bo, for this excellent piece of humour writing which at
once provides a synopsis of what all of Shakespeare's plays -- and indeed human
nature itself -- boil down to.
finished a great book. Its O Hello, the almost tragic story of a phone
sex girl named Doesshemoana. It begins when one of her callers, a fellow
who dubbed himself King Lear, offers her extra money if he can just see
her. Hes the kind of guy who needs to see who hes talking to.
She finally tells Lear: As You Like It. Ill meet you and let you look
at me, but only if we both bring a friend.
Arrangements are made to meet in a small Hamlet owned by The Merry Wives
of Windsor. The meeting had to take place later than Lear wanted because
his best friend wasnt in town. He was returning on a ship owned by The
Merchant of Venice with The Two Gentlemen from Verona.
The ship was delayed because of The Tempest raging offshore, but
finally, on The Twelfth Night after they were supposed to arrive, they
The meeting took place the next day on June 21st. When Lear saw
Doesshemoana he could hardly contain himself. Wow! he exclaimed,
Youre A Midsummer Nights Dream if I ever saw one! Measure for Measure
youre the hottest woman I ever laid eyes on! Antony and Cleopatra,
Lear and Monas friends, also hit it off.
Little did Lear know that one of Monas other callers was jealous.
Macbeth had been tapping Monas calls for months and just then he
stepped out of the woods. It looked for sure to be Loves Labours Lost
when Macbeth exclaimed to his henchman Julius Caesar! But as Julius
tried to seize her the whole thing turned into A Comedy of Errors.
Julius tripped on his own shoelaces, and like the Brute he was, he fell
on his own sword.
The whole thing turns back into Loves Labours Won as Macbeth runs
away. All Well That Ends Well and you sure do end well, Lear
proclaimed as he leered at Monas backside. Mona slapped him for being
fresh which only excited Lear the more. You make Much Ado About
Nothing, my dear, Lear said, but that will make The Taming of the
Shrew all the more fun.
Six months later they were married. There is a whole chapter on their
honeymoon titled The Winters Tale which makes this book almost cross
genres. Nine months after their honeymoon, Lear and Mona had twins.
Their names? Romeo and Juliet, of course.
* * * * *
Dr. Yalçın İzbul
EĞLEN-ÖĞREN SAYFASINA DÖNÜŞ
OKUMA PARÇALARI -- 01